Is NUMBness your safety net?
I was depressed.
16 years old. I remember being in the counselor’s office being scared but mostly uncomfortable. I had made some poor choices and I wasn’t happy. From the outside though, it sure looked like life was perfect – amazing family willing to do whatever it takes, hard-working parents who gave everything they had to us and the community, active and successful in sports, good student, social with adults and kids and liked by so many.
But I still felt empty.
Coaches and teachers told me that if I applied myself, I could be something great.
I began the cycle of avoiding my own life. I remember that I wanted the “negative feels” to go away and thought that if life was going to be this hard, I maybe don’t want to do it anymore………..
I grew up and started doing what I was led to do. And following my ❤ a little more and being braver than I was yesterday, I began to expand and flourish. Day by day, week by week and year by year.
Fast forward 10 years and I begin to work with patients just like I was, but 10 years older. The difference is that they didn’t find that path, or listen to their heart or have the courage to follow that dream. But we were all the same: WOMEN who struggle with Anxiety, Depression and the feeling that they don’t have control of themselves and others.
So they medicate. Some, a prescription medication. Some, alcohol. Some, sleep. Some, drugs, sex, money, avoidance. And inevitably when stress increased, so did their need to escape more, to feel nothing = NUMBNESS…the safest place they knew. A place where they feel nothing, not JOY or PAIN. Where they were just ok, not HAPPY or SAD. And chose to look strong instead of weak and avoid instead of cope. But what happens when eventually your brain cannot keep up with the stress?
That’s where the rubber hits the road.
This is what I’ve learned:
- Instead of looking at my path ahead, I was looked behind me. In the ‘what if, he said, she said, now what’ place. See, my path was always lit, but I wasn’t looking.
- Do what your ❤ desires, even if others don’t think it’s a good idea.
- Heal your past. For me it was Chiropractic, mindset coach and spiritual healing (started with meditation, crystals and bodywork).
You don’t need the diagnosis, the label anymore if you don’t want to. You don’t need to be addicted to being numb the rest of your life if you choose not to. What you do need is to be willing and committed to creating a new reality. A new outlook. Frankly, a new *bleeping* life.
Ask for help, I’m always available.