Manipulation, incongruence and control

It may not be as obvious as the words look. When I see that word I think it must be blatantly obvious, how wouldn’t I be able to know if I was being manipulative or if someone else is?

But it’s not as obvious as it seems.

Yet more common that you would imagine.

I’ve been known to “get my way”. I used to believe that it was because I would throw a holy hell fit and nobody wanted to deal with me then. Albeit likely true, that’s not what I was doing. I exaggerated or minimized to benefit ME, nobody else. And because my worth was tied into what others thought of me, I thought I succeeded (aka people liked me) when I got my way. And thought I was a pile ‘o crap when I didn’t.

So interesting, now to look back at it. I was never doing it because I thought I was better than anyone else, but I did it because I needed approval of those people, especially ones I loved the most. But even deeper, I wanted their respect and loyalty. Even from people I didn’t like. I would go above and beyond, overly delight, just so people still approved of me. (vomit emoji)

When living this way is just what we’ve always done, it’s just what we always do. That’s why I spend time with people smarter/wiser/more experiences than me: to be aware of what is a habit, to know if I’m living my life aligned. Incongruency is acting different than being. And the bigger the incongruency, the more difficult the lessons.

When we uncover something about us, we notice it more in people and situations. And when we notice it, we can observe because we are emotionally detached. And THERE, that place is where we begin to live a life of truth. Not the universal truth, per se, but your truth.

And that’s all that matters.

Dr. T

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